1. Q: What did the actress do when she saw her first strands of gray hair?
A: She thought she would dye [die].
2. Q: What is the definition of a will?
A: It is a dead giveaway.
3. Q: What do you call people who jump off a Paris bridge?
A: In Seine [insane]
4. Q: Why did the two peanuts run away from the tough neighborhood at night?
A: Because one of them was a-salted [assaulted]
5. Q: What happens to chemists when they die?
A: We barium [bury them]
6. Q: Why is b always cool?
A: Because it is between ac.
7. Q: What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?
A: An onion
8. Q: Why did the TV cross the road?
A: Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
9. Q: Why do some fish stay at the bottom of the sea?
A: Because they dropped out of school. [A collection of fishes is called a school]
10. Q: What do you give a dog that has high temperature?
A: Mustard, it is the best thing for a hot dog.
11. Q: Where do bulls receive their messages?
A: On the bull-etin board.
12. Q: What is a sheep’s hair dressing saloon called?
A: The Baa Baa shop [barbershop]
13. Q: Why do birds fly south during winter?
A: Because it sure beats walking.
14. Q: What is the cat’s favorite breakfast cereal?
A: Obviously Mice Krispy’s.
15. Q: What do you call an apartment that likes food?
A: Condoment [condiment]
16. Q: How would you shoot a killer bee?
A: With a bee bee gun.
17. Q: What is the difference between a coal-train and your instructor?
A: While your instructor says to spit your gum out, and the coal-train says chew chew [choo-choo]
18. Q: Why did the birdie go to the clinic?
A: To get a tweetment [treatment].
19. Q: Why was the joke about the butter kept under wraps?
A: Because, if you talked about it, it would spread.
20. Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: You stick with me and I will take you places.
21. Q: Why do the watermelons have such fancy and expensive weddings?
A: Because they [cant-a-loupe] [can’t elope]
22. Q: What did the alien tell the gardener?
A: Take us to your weeder.
23. Q: How do basketball players manage to stay cool even in humid conditions?
A: They just sit next to the “fans.”
24. Q: Why was the guy looking for food while sitting on top his friend?
A: Because his friend had said that, the dinner is on me.
25. Q: How to porcupines kiss?
A: Very carefully.
26. Q: Why does the leopard find it difficult to hide and stalk?
A: Because he is spotted always.
27. Q: What kind of key opens a banana?
A: A monkey.
28. Q: What moves up and down but actually does not move?
29. Q: Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
A: They both weigh the same [a ton].
30. Q: What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine?
A: it wooden go [wouldn’t]
31. Q: Why did the lady reporter rush to ice cream shop?
A: To get a good scoop before anyone.
32. Q: Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?
A: He was board [bored].
33. Q: Where does a tree store their stuff?
A: In there Trunk.
34. Q: What has a head, a tail but no legs and a body?
A: A coin.
35. Q: What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio?
A: Cool Music.
36. Q: What gives milk but has only one horn?
A: The milk truck.
37. Q: What do you call a mermaids bed?
A: A waterbed.
38. Q. What do you call a party for Barbie dolls?
A. A Barbie-Q [barbecue]
39. Q: When is the ideal time to visit a dentist?
A: Tooth-hurty [two-thirty]
40. Q: Why was the math book looking so miserable?
A: Because its problems were seldom solved.
41. Q: What goes up when rain comes down?
A: The umbrella.
42. Q: Why did the boy sprinkling sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep each night?
A: So that he could have sweet dreams every night.
43. Q: What dog is known for its punctuality?
A: The watch-dog.
44. Q: Which button cannot be unbuttoned?
A: The belly –button.
45. Q: What did the triangle say to the circle?
A: You are pointless.
46. Q: Name a thing that has four wheels and flies?
A: The garbage truck, of course.
47. Q: What are you supposed to do with a dead chemist?
A: Barium [Bury him!], of course.
48. Q: Why is the mushroom always invited to parties?
A: Because he is a fungi. [Funky]
49. Q: What happened to the lion when he ate the clown?
A: He felt funny, of course.
50. Q: Did you heard about the origami store?
A: It folded.
51. Q: Why did the banker quit her job?
A: She lost interest.
52. Q: Why was everyone so tired on the First of April?
A: Because they had just completed a March of 31 days.
53. Q: Which is the fastest country in the world?
A: Russia. [Rush- ya]
54. Q: Which is the city that no one dares to go?
55. Q: Why is that you can never trust atoms?
A: Obviously, because they make up everything.
56. Q: What happens when you cross a boy scout with a baseball player?
A: You get a person who likes to pitch tents.
57. Q: What is a bulldozer?
A: Someone who sleeps while a politician is making a speech.
58. Q: What do you call a pile of kittens?
A: a meow-ntain [mountain]
59. Q: What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa?
A: A Claus- trophobic.
60. Q: Why was six afraid of seven?
A: Because seven, eight [ate], nine.
61. Q: What is always on the ground and is never dirty or soiled?
A: The shadow.
62. Q: What never asks questions but receives many answers?
A: the Telephone.
63. Q: Why was the belt sent to jail?
A: Because it held up a pair of jeans.
64. Q: Why are carrots are good for the eyes?
A: Well, because it is difficult to find a rabbit with spectacles?
65. Q: Why does a hummingbird hum instead of singing?
A: Because it just does not know the words.
66. Q: What do you call a firefighters soup and crackers?
67. Q: Why is the nose less than 12 inches?
A: Because, it would then become a foot [12 inches make a foot]
68. Q: How many books can you put in a (2ft x 2ft) empty backpack, so that it is not empty anymore?
A: One, after that it is no more empty.
69. Q: What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark?
A: Obviously, flood-lights.
70. Q: Why do the call gulls that fly over the sea as seagulls?
A: Mainly because if they flew over the bay they would be called as bagels.
71. Q: What do snowmen like to eat for breakfast?
A: Frosted Flakes.
72. Q: What happened when the tiny fortuneteller that escaped from jail?
A: He was a small medium at large.
73. Q: Why are movie stars always cool?
A: Because they have so many fans.
74. Q: What is the biggest problem with snow boots?
A: They melt.
75. Q: What is round and extremely violent?
A: A vicious circle.
76. Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel.
77. Q: What did the ocean say to the beach?
A: Nothing, it just waved.
78. Q: Why does a baby duck walk softly?
A: As it is a baby duck, it can hardly [not softly] walk.
79. Q: What did the left eye say to the right eye?
A: Well, there is something between you and me that smells.
80. Q: Why did the robber always take a bath when he robbed a house?
A: So that he could get a clean getaway.
81. Q: What is it called when a cat wins the dog show?
82. Q: What is taken before you get it?
A: Your picture.
83. Q: What is green and sings?
A: Elvis Parsley.
84. Q: Why did Superman cross the road?
A: To get to the supermarket.
85. Q: What did the first volcano say to the second volcano?
A: I lava you. Do you lava me? [Love you].
86. Q: Why is it cold on Christmas?
A: Because it is in December.
87. Q: What kind of nails do carpenters or masons hate to strike?
A: Fingernails, of course.
88. Q: What happened when the magician got angry?
A: He pulled his hare out.
89. Q: How do you know when a clock is hungry?
A: It goes back four seconds. [For second helpings]
90. Q: What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?
A: A stick.
91. : What happens if you don’t pay your exorcist?
A: You are repossessed.
92. Q: What is the Local Area Network in Australia known as?
A: The LAN down under.
93. Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
A: Because he wanted to win the No-bell prize.
94. Q: Why do travelers flock to Cuba?
A: Because, they are guaranteed to Havana good time [having a good time]
95. Q: Why did the tree visit the dentist?
A: So as to get a root canal.
96. Q: What do you call a man in a hole?
97. Q: Where can you find an ocean with no water?
A: On a map.
98. Q: Why do you get if you cross a chili pepper, a spade, and a poodle?
A: A hot-diggity-dog [a spicy hot dog!]
99. Q: What three letters will frighten a burglar?
A: I C U
100. Q: What did the blanket say to the bed?
A: Quit being frightened, I have you covered.